parents invest huge amounts of time, money and energy on selected “cures,” into which they pour their heart, soul, hopes and dreams. They can’t afford to seriously doubt their efficacy.

parents are urged by certain public figures to become “lion-like” in their ferocious advocacy for their child. this pushes parents to feel marginalized and constantly on the offensive – a difficult place to be, emotionally.

parents feel that their identity is wholly wrapped up in being an “autism parent” – which gives them a place and a community, but also pushes them into the place where their child defines them.

IMHO, wholly defining oneself as a “parent,” and living on one’s child’s needs, accomplishments or personal achievements, is emotionally dangerous, both for the parent and for the child. That’s goes double or even triple for parents of kids with autism, for whom the pressure to become wholly engaged with the “autism world” can be overwhelming.

Lisa

Parents have always had pride in their children, and the success/failure of children has always had an impact on the reputation of a family or the family name. Parents seeing “their child’s every action as a validation (or rejection) of themselves” – which is, I think, at the very root of being a “helicopter parent” – seems to be a much more recent phenomenon.

As I said in the main article here, I think that has contributed to the increase in the number of diagnoses. Thinking about your comments, I would say that this might also be contributing to the rise – in both quantity and determination – of the “warrior parents” in their war on autism (and autistics?).

One of the issues that comes up for autism parents is that parents may feel guilt about their child’s autism, and fling themselves into “fixing” the problem. If the problem is “fixable,” they see themselves as heroes for having cured their child; if the problem isn’t fixable, they feel even greater guilt, depression and anxiety – which can turn either inward or outward (toward their child or toward the people who work with their child).

Lisa

I like the idea you have with “attachment parent” and agree that it is not a bad thing – and is in fact – a VERY GOOD THING for parents to be involved with their kids, at all stages of their lives.

Of course, the level and nature of the involvement should change depending on the age of the child (and maybe the age of the parent). I see it as kind of a progression from total control (infants) through coaching/mentoring (adolescents/teens) and ultimately – if we are lucky – to being friends when they are adults.