Autonomy - Mastery - Purpose
Three things that Malcolm Gladwell (Outliers) and Dan Pink (Drive) have written about in terms of meaningful work and a meaningful life aimed primarily at adults that are also important parts of growing up.
As infants and toddlers, the focus for kids is to learn, to master things like walking, language, and play. There is not a whole lot of autonomy, nor is there any long term purpose.
As kids grow through adolescence they start to accept, and demand, more and more autonomy. If they are lucky enough to discover a passion that demands all of their attention – sports, academics, music, writing – they will seek out mastery. Some will begin to see their purpose in life, and begin to move in that direction.
As teenagers and young adults our kids become completely autonomous – within bounds, of course – and are free to pursue their purpose and continued journey toward mastery.
For parents, it is all too easy – and tempting – to try to control, to MANAGE, our kids’ lives through each of these various stages. To decide what our kids should be interested in, what their purpose is. To make decisions for them, and not allow them the autonomy they crave. (“He’s only 10 years old, he can’t make a decision like that for himself.”)
Much more difficult – and, in my opinion, ultimately more rewarding – is for parents to be a LEADER for their kids. To observe and discover what our kids strengths are, what they are interested in, and encourage mastery in that. Even if it something we don’t understand or that we would never do. To always challenge our kids to reach just a little too far instead of always pulling them back from the edge. To accept the purpose they discover for their life, and encourage them to live that purpose even if it seems “stupid” to us.
Of course, being a leader is much harder work than being a manager. But a lot less frustrating and a lot more rewarding.
{ 3 } Trackbacks
[...] Earlier this year I read (and reviewed) Dan Pink’s latest book, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. Addressed primarily at the world of work, and geared toward leaders / managers, I also read this from the perspective of a parent. After all, what is a parent if not a leader for their kids. [...]
[...] following ties in well with my recent post Parents should be leaders (not managers) and my overall theme for Autism Awareness Month, so I’m reposting it in its entirety. I [...]
[...] The message is a positive one – figure out what it is that you want from your life and do that. And allow – encourage – others to do the same. This last point, I think, is especially valuable for parents, who should read this book and keep it in mind as they raise their kids and prepare them for their own adventures in the world. (A theme I’ve touched on before.) [...]
Post a Comment